Pearls!? or no Pearls!?

The begining of a new era in understanding how and why i should take space as my own person but under thee right conditions

I love hosting its one of y most enjoyable things to do, a good host ensures all your senses are being engaged consistently to change and elevate your mood and experience. A baby shower is a very intimate gathering which also gives a certain level of reassurance to the mother-to-be, so to set a mood of safety relaxation and ease we had a high tea that was accompanied by an aura of love, try close your eyes to envision all this: Scent: Vanilla incense, Sight: Flowers, Sound: Cool afro jazz, Taste: now that's a whole journey you want to experience because I'm a fantastic chef.


Now this story isn't a play-by-play of what the baby shower meant it is about how I decided to show up fully as myself at a family gathering, where one of my best is ensuring how I look and feel, so as I got ready I was confused entirely about what to wear so I wore what I knew, animal print, black cuffed cargo pants and the jewellery part will come at the end, you'll see why.

My lovely mother was moving around already dressed ensuring everything was in perfection, checking off lists, adjusting furniture, really the final touches that make a certain level of perfection. I meet my Amazing sister doing her makeup in the bathroom, as I start mine I wonder okay let us be a little lighter than usual because my make-up style variates between festivals and let's compete with the sun and see who glows longer. The story my sister was telling suddenly started to fade into a low mumble, 'thum'thum'thum' my heart went on, and a certain realisation came to mind I've never been at the fairy makeup level with my family before and I wondered if that is what I'm going for should I be toned down, should I be only s agreeable as they'd let me be till this point, I picked up the NC 47 and put it back down picked up my primer and suddenly didn't feel sure of myself and I stood there in the mirror and stared back at myself took a deep breath and said I am as perfect as I am, and I am as perfect as ill ever be because if it isn't about the now then when. 

Started with some primer the dewy kind a little NC47 because you know this skin got the glow, some light translucent powder, a more nudish pink blush and a dash of highlighter, a light dab of glitter, mascara, brows are done and voila I was done. no eye shadow, no face jewels, just a beautiful man and his perfect glow for the day. My Awesome big brother with a big smile and says dammmnnnnn yall look gooood!! and we both go like "dAMMMMNNNNNN you do" we laugh and move on. My family are everything to me the love and support they show is unbound and so wholesome because they'll be my anchors at the events, the parties and the family gatherings. That's when it hit me. Just be You entirely within the space and be you so that you are also received and understood at the level the gathering, the meeting, the party, the confrence holds in the environment it's holding on to.

The Families had begun to gather, did I mention this was my Lovely cousin's baby shower. Okay, now you know. My song of the day was out of stranger things, yes it's Kate Bush Running up that hill and so I sang it in my head as I walked down the hallway meeting and ushering in my uncles, aunties and cousins.

And if I only could

I'd make a deal with God

And I'd get him to swap our places

Be running up that road

Be running up that hill

Be running up that building

Say, if I only could, oh

My Auntie who is the grandmother-to-be looks at me and says Pearls?! and I say Yes! Always Pearls! 

Feizal Ahmed

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cherop 42 w

omg! who tf is cutting onions! 🥲🥲 'if t isn't about the now then when'